08 January, 2013

Yet another rant

Well, it's been a few weeks since I did a good rant. So guess what?! Tis time for a new one.

People who are dead set on the world being against them. "Oh, everyone HATES me!"  Fuck that, not everyone hates your happy ass, get that notion out of your head right now. If there are people in this world that admire people like Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini,  and Lenin... I'm sure there is someone in this world that likes you too. You still have a fighting chance. Also, that being said, do NOT...I repeat do NOT come to me looking for pity, or looking for someone to join in your pity party; not gonna happen. I've got better and much more important things to do than pity you. Yeah, I may relate sometimes to what you're saying, but I don't ALWAYS feel like that. I find things that make my time worth while, I spend time with people that I like and who like me as I am. I don't have to worry about being judged, and therefore I don't have to deal with the feeling of "Oh, I'm not worth it", or "Oh, no one will like me".  This kinda goes along with a previous rant about how I didn't understand why people wouldn't help themselves when they are more than capable of doing so. Again, still don't get it. Why would you allow yourself to be around people who bring you down as much as they obviously do? Answer- "Misery likes company.", simple as that. T-T

Secondly, I don't need to be constantly reminded that I am not the most fit girl in the world. In fact, I know that I'm so far from fit, it's not even funny. But guess what? I eat healthy, I drink little to no soda, I don't smoke, I get out and do physical things, and more importantly I am happy with my self. I like me. Every bit of chub, every curve, every dimple, all of it. All your talk about how I should lose weight in order to have a guy like me, to be prettier, to be wanted by someone... is fucking bullshit. You may not like the way I look, and think that I need to change, but I'm good with how I am, and my boyfriend more than loves the way I am.  So stop trying to bring me down with your insecurities, it's not worth your effort, because it no longer bothers me. After 21, almost 22 years of being ridiculed for not being what society deems "perfect", I'm done. I'm not letting any of those things get to me. You don’t like me as I am… you can go screw yourself, or something of a like degree of exiting.

Next up, uni. Yes, I finished it… no, I am currently not employed because I still don’t have everything I need to meet the required criteria to be employed in Ohio. Slowly getting there, but it’s hard to collect that much money when I don’t have a job. So please, those of you who keep getting on my back about when I’ll be getting a job as a massage therapist… just stop. It’s just one of those things, that’ll happen when it happens. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but for now it is what it is. Not much else to say here, other than back the hell up, and let me figure out what I need to do, in my own time. 

Emm, let’s go with drinking next… or the general lack of in my case. I decided ages ago to drink far less than most people my age, not that I drank much before that any way. But none the less, I have cut back even from that. I probably drink once a month, and it’s with the same person. People as why I've decided to drink less, and when I tell them they look at me like I’m stupid or something. For those of you who don’t know why I decided to do this, it’s because Jonathan is a recovering alcoholic, he has one year sobriety under his belt. I being who I am, I don’t want to make things awkward for him. I don’t want to cause any type of temptation in that sense. So I never drink when he’s around, and I rarely drink as is. To be honest, New Year’s may have been the last time I drink. I like alcohol, don’t get me wrong, but I've found you can have just as much fun, if not more when you’re not under any kind of influence.

Family, isn't that something that is supposed to stay banded together and be there for one another? Apparently in my family, there are at least three people that are dead set on making everyone’s lives miserable and turning everyone against each other over utterly stupid bullshit. Excuse my language, but that is exactly what it is… BULLSHIT. They wonder why I have little to do with the family functions anymore, why I’d rather spend holidays and such with Jon’s family…. It’s because everything turns into a yelling contest, or a fight. All of it over stupid crap like, my lack of job, my parents not being “good” parents because my brothers left home when they legally could, politics ( a completely taboo topic in our house at this point), and other such pointless topics. And having someone tell my mother and I that we should watch out because my father might flip his lid and apparently kill us on an open forum like Facebook, it just fucked up. No one has the right to say that, ever. End of story. I don't care how much you disagree with someone, or the way they raise their kids... telling his wife and daughter that they should in essence fear for their lives around him is just a selfish and immoral thing to do. 

According to my grandmother, I should only be listening to Christian Radio stations, that there is no way a girl like me (Whatever the fuck that is supposed to me >.<) should be interested in metal, rock n’ roll, or anything that is not Christian music. First off, just to point this out… I am AGNOSTIC….that is not the same thing as Christian. Though in my grandmother’s head, anyone who is not Christian… is Atheist. And because I’m not Christian, in her eyes, I need saving before I go to hell. Does she not know that gingers don’t have souls, and therefore there is no way for my eternal soul to be damned to hell? xD  Ah, well... she's always got something to be disappointed in me for. If it's not my lack of sharing her same religion, it's that I didn't go to nursing school (news flash... I do intend to go back and do that too one say), that I wasted my time in one relationship only to have it fail and blow up in my face, that I'm not "healthy/ thin" enough, Not ever finding anyone to want me, or her complete abhorrence to my current relationship simply because of the age difference.   

And lastly, this seems to be a reoccurring topic of my rants, and will be until it sinks into certain people’s head. Whether certain family members, or friends like it… I am in a very happy relationship with Jonathan. And I will remain as such until the time comes that he and I decide differently. Though much to all of your dismay (just those who hate the idea), I don’t see that happening any time soon, if at all. I’m more than happy with him, and that’s honestly all that should matter when it all boils down to it. Right? Or am I wrong in thinking that I should be allowed to be happy? And if being happy is with someone *gasp*  ten years older than I am is what does it… what should it matter to anyone else? Get the hell over it, move on, and leave my choices in life alone. Thank you all for the bitch fits, snide remarks, and comments about failure… but none have been taken to heart and you may promptly go fuck yourself with a razor laced dildo if you like… or take the easy way out and head for the exit. Eh, that was a little harsh, but you get the idea, I’m sure.

I think I’m done… there’s really nothing more I can say. Well, there is… but I thought I’d try to keep this one shorter than my normal rants. * whispers*  I think I failed miserably at it though. I think almost 1500 words is more than enough, not even sure if anyone reads these things. *shrugs* Oh, well. I enjoy writing them.